Waiting on the Lord

 *Written on February 11, 2023*

I have always considered myself a rather impatient person. I think it comes from being orderly, logical, and having the ability to see the steps needed to complete a project. When I am in a group, I get impatient if the process seems to be taking too long or others are not able to grasp the essential parts of the discussion. I remember become very frustrated one time in a team meeting at work when the presenter wanted to move very slowly through every minute detail of the material prior to giving us the book. While we had not yet read the text the presenter was showing us, the concepts the presenter outlined were straightforward, clear, and easily grasped. Several of us in the group became impatient with the process, and to my regret, I finally snapped, “Just show us the book already! We understand!” Not my finest moment.

                I also have a patient side, born through years and experience, and just plain maturity. I was able to exercise great patience when teaching my children to read, ride a bike, tie their shoes, and do many other developmental tasks. I have a strong level of patience when studying or writing. I can practice piano for hours without becoming frustrated and impatient. So, in some ways, my patience in learned tasks counterbalances my impatience for the tasks I find boring or superficial.

                I am in a season of waiting, an exercise in patience, a time when I believe the Lord is looking to see if I will truly follow Him. I cannot see the steps to the end result, which is altogether frustrating for me! It’s hard to not know what will come of this time of waiting. And it’s also difficult to feel that God is on the verge of doing something but still asks me to wait. I would not necessarily say He’s being silent, but it is taking all my mental energy to listen. I find myself leaning into the Word more, listening with greater resolve to the teaching and preaching at church, examining the comments and encouraging words I receive from others. I am introspective, on the lookout for anything God might be wanting me to deal with during this time that once completed, will signal the end of the waiting period. Is my sense of urgency a product of impatience, or is it the lure of the Holy Spirit to prepare me for the next thing?

                In 2006 as I traveled on a long boat up a long river to an Iban village on the island of Borneo, I looked ahead to where the river bend obscured the path. With every bend or curve, I wondered if the village would come into view. I had to mentally tell myself to simply enjoy the view right in front of me and to not waste this moment in time by my impatience to reach my destination. When the Israelites finally crossed the Jordan after wandering in the desert for 40 years, Joshua instructed them to “consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you” (Joshua 3:5). The Israelites were to “move out from [their] positions and follow” the ark of the covenant once it came into view. “Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before,” Joshua said (Joshua 3:3-4). I remember reflecting on my long boat ride and resonating in my spirit with Joshua’s directions. It wasn’t for me to know which way I was going; it was only for me to see the leader and follow. The promise was that if I obeyed, I would know which way to go.

                As I am in this time of waiting, I do not know which way to go. The reason is quite simple: I’ve never been this way before. Oh, yes, I’ve had similar situations to this one, but this time there is another element that is present, one I don’t remember ever feeling or interacting with in the previous times. There is a strong anticipation of the happy day to come, almost as if God has promised it will arrive if I just see Him, obey Him, and follow Him. It is this very anticipation that is making the waiting so hard! I am impatient to see His new thing. I am eager to arrive around the river’s bend. But there is also doubt – I worry that I am not getting this sense of anticipation from God but that I’ve made it up in my own mind, thinking that these signs I think I’m seeing are really just my own imagination or the result of wishing for so long. And it’s that part I am having difficulty with during this time. I am applying myself – I am studying, I am praying, I am seeking counsel, I am learning everything I can about myself and what I feel like I need to know (with God’s guidance) for the time the new thing comes. I am amazed at how my thoughts are directed toward different things than they were when I encountered similar situations in the past. And yet ... there is absolutely no certainty that I will receive the prize in the end. From a human standpoint, it seems quite impossible. My thoughts are circular; I think about the impossibility of the new thing from the vantage point of my present stance, and I get discouraged. But just as quickly, I get a sensation that God is saying, “Just watch Me! You are going to be blown away by how I work this out!” and my happy anticipation and willingness to wait takes over, like a child waiting for Christmas morning for the longed-for present she knows she will receive from her good and loving parents.

I read a brief story recently - a social media post by a person at least 10 years ago. The post was about the person’s little girl. The parent was watching her as she patiently waited in her chair, eyes fixed on the front door, her packed suitcase nearby and ready. As the parent watched, they wondered what the child was thinking about as she waited for a loved one to come through the door for a visit. Even though the parent had told the child the loved one would not be coming that day; in fact, it would be several days before the loved one arrived, the child never moved. “And yet she waits,” the parent wrote. I cannot get that image of the little girl waiting out of my mind. I keep hearing, “And yet she waits,” every time my thoughts go toward the future. The little girl’s patience was exemplar; it showed a pure belief that her loved one would indeed come. It demonstrated the level of trust the little girl had in the promised event. And it painted a picture of deep faith – a child’s faith. She never doubted for one moment that her long-awaited day would come. “And yet she waits.” Oh, to have that kind of wholehearted faith, that pure belief, that perfect trust in the promise to come!

If I only understood more about the Psalmist’s words, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I know that if I focus on God, if I fill my life with learning to know Him and His character, my desires will become aligned to His will. The desires of my heart will resonate His heart for me. But what is the process when I wonder if I am already hearing His voice, when I wonder if He has truly shown me what is coming around the river’s bend and He is only asking me to wait to see if I will obey? Can I know, with assurance, that my patience will be rewarded with His good gift? And what if I am not hearing His voice or seeing what is to come? Will I still follow Him? Will I still obey? Will I still step into the Jordan, even though I have never been that way before? I don’t want this time of waiting to be in vain; I don’t want to be this focused on God now only because there might be a certain reward (gift) at the end of the testing. Does God know that? Does He truly know my motives – as far as I have examined them to be – are for Him to lead me around the river bend, wherever that is?

Psalm 130 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in His word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchman for the morning, more than the watchman for the morning.” This is the time I must put into practice what I say I know. This is the time I fully trust God’s Sovereignty. This is the time I say, “Your ways are higher than mine. I want mountains to move; You want me to climb. So I’m gonna trust You will work Your will in Your time. Your ways are higher than mine.” And this is the time I step my toe in the Jordan, trusting that I won’t be swept under, that on the other side of this time of testing is a land overflowing with milk and honey.

From Christianity Today:

Waiting upon the Lord ... there's a believing trust that God's in control of everything and that He knows what we don't know and He sees what we don't see. So in light of that, we can step back and say, “God, your timing is going to be best.”

So whether we're waiting on a spouse, or a job, or maybe a sickness to go away, or whatever it is that we're facing, there's a constant trust where we say, “God, I'm waiting for Your time and I'm resting in You and in Your Sovereignty, knowing that You love Your children, and You care for them, and that You know when I'm ready for something and what it is that I'm ready for. So I'm going to trust You.”

A lot of times, while we're waiting on the Lord, [we say], “Now what do I do? Do I just sit back and just do nothing?” What I've found, and when you look through the Scriptures, it seems that while we're waiting on big answers for questions that we have, let's be faithful in what it is that we do know that we're supposed to be doing. And as we do that, oftentimes I find that the Lord is answering some of our questions that we have or things that we're waiting for in that. So it's in our obedience and following what we do know that oftentimes we discover the answers to the things that we don't know. Or that God uses that to put us in the right place to bring about some of the things that we've been waiting on. So, patient waiting on the Lord isn't some kind of passive thing, but it's an active engagement with what we already do know, trusting that God will guide us where He wants us. (Garrett Kell, Senior Pastoral Assistant, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, June 3, 2021; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYjrTDxRzYw&t=18s)

“But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.”