*Written on February 11, 2023*
I have always considered myself a rather impatient person. I
think it comes from being orderly, logical, and having the ability to see the
steps needed to complete a project. When I am in a group, I get impatient if
the process seems to be taking too long or others are not able to grasp the
essential parts of the discussion. I remember become very frustrated one time
in a team meeting at work when the presenter wanted to move very slowly through
every minute detail of the material prior to giving us the book. While we had
not yet read the text the presenter was showing us, the concepts the presenter
outlined were straightforward, clear, and easily grasped. Several of us in the
group became impatient with the process, and to my regret, I finally snapped,
“Just show us the book already! We understand!” Not my finest moment.
I also
have a patient side, born through years and experience, and just plain
maturity. I was able to exercise great patience when teaching my children to
read, ride a bike, tie their shoes, and do many other developmental tasks. I
have a strong level of patience when studying or writing. I can practice piano
for hours without becoming frustrated and impatient. So, in some ways, my
patience in learned tasks counterbalances my impatience for the tasks I find
boring or superficial.
I am in
a season of waiting, an exercise in patience, a time when I believe the Lord is
looking to see if I will truly follow Him. I cannot see the steps to the end
result, which is altogether frustrating for me! It’s hard to not know what will
come of this time of waiting. And it’s also difficult to feel that God is on
the verge of doing something but still asks me to wait. I would not necessarily
say He’s being silent, but it is taking all my mental energy to listen. I find
myself leaning into the Word more, listening with greater resolve to the
teaching and preaching at church, examining the comments and encouraging words
I receive from others. I am introspective, on the lookout for anything God
might be wanting me to deal with during this time that once completed, will
signal the end of the waiting period. Is my sense of urgency a product of
impatience, or is it the lure of the Holy Spirit to prepare me for the next
thing?
In 2006
as I traveled on a long boat up a long river to an Iban village on the island
of Borneo, I looked ahead to where the river bend obscured the path. With every
bend or curve, I wondered if the village would come into view. I had to
mentally tell myself to simply enjoy the view right in front of me and to not
waste this moment in time by my impatience to reach my destination. When the
Israelites finally crossed the Jordan after wandering in the desert for 40
years, Joshua instructed them to “consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord
will do amazing things among you” (Joshua 3:5). The Israelites were to “move
out from [their] positions and follow” the ark of the covenant once it came
into view. “Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way
before,” Joshua said (Joshua 3:3-4). I remember reflecting on my long boat ride
and resonating in my spirit with Joshua’s directions. It wasn’t for me to know
which way I was going; it was only for me to see the leader and follow. The
promise was that if I obeyed, I would know which way to go.
As I am
in this time of waiting, I do not know which way to go. The reason is quite
simple: I’ve never been this way before. Oh, yes, I’ve had similar situations
to this one, but this time there is another element that is present, one I
don’t remember ever feeling or interacting with in the previous times. There is
a strong anticipation of the happy day to come, almost as if God has promised
it will arrive if I just see Him, obey Him, and follow Him. It is this
very anticipation that is making the waiting so hard! I am impatient to see His
new thing. I am eager to arrive around the river’s bend. But there is also
doubt – I worry that I am not getting this sense of anticipation from God but
that I’ve made it up in my own mind, thinking that these signs I
think I’m seeing are really just my own imagination or the result of wishing
for so long. And it’s that part I am having difficulty with during this time. I
am applying myself – I am studying, I am praying, I am seeking counsel, I am
learning everything I can about myself and what I feel like I need to know
(with God’s guidance) for the time the new thing comes. I am amazed at how my
thoughts are directed toward different things than they were when I encountered
similar situations in the past. And yet ... there is absolutely no certainty
that I will receive the prize in the end. From a human standpoint, it seems
quite impossible. My thoughts are circular; I think about the impossibility of
the new thing from the vantage point of my present stance, and I get
discouraged. But just as quickly, I get a sensation that God is saying, “Just
watch Me! You are going to be blown away by how I work this out!” and my happy
anticipation and willingness to wait takes over, like a child waiting for
Christmas morning for the longed-for present she knows she will receive from
her good and loving parents.
I read a brief story recently - a social media post by a
person at least 10 years ago. The post was about the person’s little girl. The
parent was watching her as she patiently waited in her chair, eyes fixed on the
front door, her packed suitcase nearby and ready. As the parent watched, they
wondered what the child was thinking about as she waited for a loved one to
come through the door for a visit. Even though the parent had told the child
the loved one would not be coming that day; in fact, it would be several days
before the loved one arrived, the child never moved. “And yet she waits,” the
parent wrote. I cannot get that image of the little girl waiting out of my
mind. I keep hearing, “And yet she waits,” every time my thoughts go toward the
future. The little girl’s patience was exemplar; it showed a pure belief that
her loved one would indeed come. It demonstrated the level of trust the little
girl had in the promised event. And it painted a picture of deep faith – a
child’s faith. She never doubted for one moment that her long-awaited day would
come. “And yet she waits.” Oh, to have that kind of wholehearted faith, that
pure belief, that perfect trust in the promise to come!
If I only understood more about the Psalmist’s words,
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
I know that if I focus on God, if I fill my life with learning to know Him and
His character, my desires will become aligned to His will. The desires of my
heart will resonate His heart for me. But what is the process when I
wonder if I am already hearing His voice, when I wonder if He has truly shown
me what is coming around the river’s bend and He is only asking me to wait to
see if I will obey? Can I know, with assurance, that my patience will be
rewarded with His good gift? And what if I am not hearing His voice or seeing
what is to come? Will I still follow Him? Will I still obey? Will I still step
into the Jordan, even though I have never been that way before? I don’t want
this time of waiting to be in vain; I don’t want to be this focused on God now
only because there might be a certain reward (gift) at the end of the
testing. Does God know that? Does He truly know my motives – as far as I have
examined them to be – are for Him to lead me around the river bend, wherever
that is?
Psalm 130 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in
His word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchman for the
morning, more than the watchman for the morning.” This is the time I must put
into practice what I say I know. This is the time I fully trust God’s
Sovereignty. This is the time I say, “Your ways are higher than mine. I want mountains
to move; You want me to climb. So I’m gonna trust You will work Your will in
Your time. Your ways are higher than mine.” And this is the time I step my toe
in the Jordan, trusting that I won’t be swept under, that on the other side of
this time of testing is a land overflowing with milk and honey.
From Christianity Today:
Waiting upon the Lord ... there's a
believing trust that God's in control of everything and that He knows what we
don't know and He sees what we don't see. So in light of that, we can step back
and say, “God, your timing is going to be best.”
So whether we're waiting on a
spouse, or a job, or maybe a sickness to go away, or whatever it is that we're
facing, there's a constant trust where we say, “God, I'm waiting for Your time
and I'm resting in You and in Your Sovereignty, knowing that You love Your
children, and You care for them, and that You know when I'm ready for something
and what it is that I'm ready for. So I'm going to trust You.”
A lot of times, while we're waiting
on the Lord, [we say], “Now what do I do? Do I just sit back and just do
nothing?” What I've found, and when you look through the Scriptures, it seems
that while we're waiting on big answers for questions that we have, let's
be faithful in what it is that we do know that we're supposed to be doing.
And as we do that, oftentimes I find that the Lord is answering some of our
questions that we have or things that we're waiting for in that. So it's in our
obedience and following
what we do know that oftentimes we discover the answers to the things that we
don't know. Or that God uses that to put us in the right
place to bring about some of the things that we've been waiting on. So, patient
waiting on the Lord isn't some kind of passive thing, but it's an active
engagement with what we already do know, trusting that God will guide us where
He wants us. (Garrett Kell, Senior Pastoral Assistant, Capitol Hill
Baptist Church, June 3, 2021; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYjrTDxRzYw&t=18s)
“But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God
my Savior; my God will hear me.”
