A Little Bit Like Job

I'm going to say something and I am 99% sure that someone will respond with something to the effect of, "You need to take this post down because it's just not appropriate." Someone will surely tell me I am a drama queen. And I'm positive someone will tell me to just trust God and everything will be ok. Why do I say this? Because during the past year when I have reached out to my friends through FB or have expressed my personal frustration with the twists and turns of life, I have received these very comments - and far more. But, this is who I am - I am NOT a drama queen; I am NOT an attention seeker. I am a speaker of TRUTH. I do not hide behind some mask just because some things should be kept in secret.

See, I've learned the hard way that secrets only keep things in the dark. Secrets breed the toxins that poison our lives and keep us from living in the TRUTH. And if we, as Christians, do not show the world that we are real people with real problems, how are they supposed to believe that there is a real God who meets those needs? If I constantly go around acting like I have no more heartache and no more suffering just because I call myself a Christ-follower, then I do not speak the TRUTH. If I am not honest about my own struggles to trust and believe God's Word in the midst of those trials, I invite people into an unrealistic view of life. The "name it and claim it" movement of the 80s touted just such a philosophy. Problems? Those are of the devil - renounce them and live in VICTORY! Financial troubles? Satan is just trying to get you down. Just hold up your Bible and say, "I am RICH in Christ!" You will have no more trouble. And if you are not healthy, wealthy, and completely happy, then you are not living in God's will and need to repent.

I do not believe that is how Jesus ever intended us to live. He said, "In this world you WILL have troubles. But take heart, I have OVERCOME the world." If naming and claiming was all that was needed, then Lazarus would not have died, and there would have been no need for Jesus to OVERCOME death by raising Lazarus to life again.

So, here is the truth. I'm having a hard time trusting God. I'm struggling with life's hardships. I'm a bit like Job - no, a lot like Job. At first he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised." Still more trouble came. And Job said, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" And he DID NOT sin. But trial after trial hit him and the struggling became intense. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no bright and happy ending. And finally, Job - like any human being - said, "Fine. I've had enough. God can stop punishing me now. I have trusted and I have not let go of my integrity. But still the wicked prosper. I'm done. I quit."

And oh boy - did his so-called spiritual friends jump his case!! They said, “You don’t have enough faith!!” “You are blaspheming God!” “Who are YOU to think you can question what God does?!” And they mocked Job. They didn’t like his honesty. His TRUTH – his very realness – made them uncomfortable. They hid behind their spirituality and said, “Put those secrets back where they belong. And stop being so dramatic – get over it.”

But Job didn’t get over it – he asked the tough questions. He shouted and cried and questioned God. This is what he said to his friends who begged him to be silent and never waver in his faith:

“Keep silent and let me speak; then let come to me what may. Why do I put myself in jeopardy and take my life in my hands? Though He slay me, yet will I HOPE in Him; I will surely defend my ways to His face…Listen carefully to my words; let your ears take in what I say. Now that I have prepared my case, I KNOW I will be vindicated. Can anyone bring charges against me? If so, I will be silent and die. Only grant me these two things, O God, and then I will not hide from You: Withdraw Your hand far from me, and stop frightening me with your terrors. Then summon me and I will answer, or let me speak, and you reply” (Job 13:13-15; 17-22).

Do you think God was big enough to handle that? Do you think that God said, “Job, you need to stop this nonsense?” NO – God said, “Ask. Question. Wrestle. And then I will show you what my power looks like. I will show you who is really in charge.” God knows the human heart. He knows we are weak and that we doubt. He knows we struggle with trust. He knows that we hurt. The more Job wrestled with his thoughts, his emotions, and with God, the more God proved Himself to Job. At one point Job said, “I KNOW my Redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand upon the earth” (Job 19:25). And after yet another round of questioning, Job said, “As surely as God lives, who has denied me justice, the Almighty, who has made me taste bitterness of soul, as long as I have life within me, the breath of God in my nostrils, my lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit. I will NEVER admit you [my tormentors] are in the right; till I die, I WILL NOT deny my integrity. I will maintain my righteousness and NEVER let go of it” (Job 27:2-6a).

Job still wanted an answer from God. He still wanted to know that he had an ADVOCATE, an AVENGER. He cried and he despaired…and God answered. God revealed Himself to Job – He let Job get all his doubts out on the table and then He dispelled them, one by one. “Then Job replied to the Lord: ‘I know that You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’ My ears had heard of You but NOW my eyes have SEEN You’” (Job 42:1-5).

Without the doubt, Job could never have learned to trust. Without the questions, Job would never have learned the answers. Without despair, Job would not have recognized HOPE. Without the truth, Job would have lost his integrity.

So, I am here – at the Job moment of my life – questioning, wrestling, despairing, and searching desperately for hope. I speak the TRUTH so that the light of it will show me the way. I refuse to hide in the darkness; I refuse to lose my integrity just because it might make others uncomfortable for me to ask the tough questions. I do KNOW that my Redeemer lives, but to be totally honest, He feels very far away from me right now. I question all I’ve ever KNOWN, all I’ve ever BELIEVED. I wrestle because I have to settle in my heart that God’s ways are right and true and His plan for me will NOT be thwarted.

And if that makes you uncomfortable, then all I can say is this: why don’t you just admit that you have the same fears, the same questions, and the same doubts? Do you think God can handle that? You see, healing is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. Steve Arterburn puts it this way –

“Many are living the big lie that if we are real Christians, we should experience a real peace in all circumstances. The lie only serves to delay the pain that must be experienced as a gift from God…the claim of instant peace can lead us to constant and ongoing pain that will not die until we feel it, express it, understand it, and resolve it. The big lie prevents us from healing. It moves us into superficiality and fake connection. Feeling our lives and the pain in them allows us to connect in authentic and intimate ways…pain leaves us empty so that we can fill up on God” (Healing is a Choice, pp 42-44).

Here’s my pain…I’m ready to ask God the tough questions.

God, why have You allowed these things to happen in my life this year? I don’t like it! I want it to stop!! Answer me!! Don’t hide from me! And while You’re at it, God, don’t You think I’ve experienced just about enough?

• ·         A parent with an injury that required 4 months of rehab
• ·         A parent experiencing an open-heart surgery
• ·         A life-changing living situation with added responsibilities
• ·         A totaled car
• ·         A back injury that plagues me even today
• ·         A son who experienced heartache and trouble at school
• ·         Parents that continue to have troubling health issues
• ·         A father with cancer
• ·         A daughter who allows bitterness to stand between us
• ·         An ex-husband who decided to sue me for custody
• ·         An ex-husband who, despite knowing that what he wanted was based on lies, still cost me thousands of dollars in expenses to end up with a result that is precisely as it was prior to this nonsense
• ·         A sociopathic supervisor who wanted nothing more than to destroy me in order to save herself from being destroyed for her own incompetency
• ·         A loss of position, reputation, and the major contribution to our family income

This is NOT fair, God! This is NOT how it is supposed to be! Answer me!! Tell me WHY! Don’t let me lose my integrity in this – SHOW me so that I can SEE.

I’m in my Job moment…and I am waiting.